so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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