do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
