Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
