I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
