I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
