He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
