I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm passing your future prison.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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