Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
