Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
