this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
