You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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