yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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