Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
