We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
