I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
