Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
