dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
