Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
