Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
