A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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