omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
