I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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