i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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