can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
