If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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