He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
