When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
