She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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