Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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