i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
