i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Enjoy the penises
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
