the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
