Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
