just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
