Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
