Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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