listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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