I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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