pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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