hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
