i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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