Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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