I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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