The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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