If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
