Pappa wants mamma naked
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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