So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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