Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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