Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
