Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can vaginas get frostbite?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
