I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
