Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
