Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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