You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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