do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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