evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
