it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
