drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
