someone threw a dead crab at me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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