i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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