I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
