btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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