dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
