My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
