In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
