I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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