I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
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I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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