There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
