I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
