Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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