it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
