i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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