You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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