I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
