oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
